It was like, a deep rooted tree was suddenly pulled up and thrown away, leaving a large gaping hole that smelled of wound, of pain, of grief. I was engulfed in whole by a thick impregnable sheath of sorrow. Despair was pulling me by heart and soul. A single dive, that would do the job. All these years of living under a shade, those long heaving days and their memories would be gone too soon.
I stood gazing at the enormity of the expanse that spread before me. Its vastness, and oh! That eerie feel of the void. I wished to become one with that emptiness, to unburden the chaos that had become my existence. The prairie wind tickled the back of my neck and for a moment I considered letting it pass and walking back to catch life at where I had left it. But in the next moment, when all of it came flooding back, terrific as a storm, I knew this was all that was left for me to do.
Scrunching the cold blades of grass beneath my feet, I stammered and steadied my footing. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander back for one last time. Myriad times have I wondered, but still couldn’t understand what had gone wrong, nor why. There was a time, when life for me was cherry and roses. And yet, with the wind was gone my days of summer too. Loneliness thrashed into my broken heart. Regret crept up my tired limbs. My body gave in to the wicked snatches of hopelessness, it kept me awake at nights, like the silent wails of a whore. I had held on for as long as my fingers bled. And then, even blood seemed to know the better.
I was a giant mess. I closed my eyes again, pulled in a deep puffy breath. Yes I was a giant filthy pile of mess. But for all I know, just a while longer couldn’t worsen things. And I took the step back.